The girl who chose to show her fun and playful side:
The post-covid-19 experience has changed us, for better or for worse. Stress, depression, mental health, it all hits us like a new kind of wave, like a new trend. This wave of mental issues came straight to the people around me, without a warning. It appeared whenever I tried to have a conversation with the people around me. The conversation seems to arrive at the same destination. “Hey, I haven’t slept at all”, “I need medications now to stay sane”, “My depression came back, haha.” All these kinds of talks lead me into a line of thoughts. Are mental issues a normal thing that every single person will experience? Or is it something that exhibits away from the white line people called normal?
For me, I see depression as a darkness that humans shall never step in. It’s an uncharted territory that no one should dare cross. As you step into the darkness, you’ll fall into a pit which gives you a hard time to get back up. Either you’re sick of the darkness that you forced yourself out or you grow comfortable with the darkness that eats you up alive. In the end, you yourself are the only one capable to decide which next state you will enter. Will you stay in the darkness or will you force yourself out? Either way, the decision is yours and truly yours alone.
But can people choose not to enter the darkness called depression? Do people really have the power to choose? No, they don’t. Having depression — or even some people calling it a breakdown — is not a choice. It just showed up. However, people can choose whether to show it or not. Personally, I’m always amazed at the people who choose not to show it. Some of you might think that not showing you’re not fine is not the best option, but for me it is a step of courage that not all people have. It is a step towards a destination of, “I don’t want to burden others”, “I don’t want to ruin the atmosphere.”
These train-thoughts of mine are built by a personality of mine. I had a low IQ and I always unconsciously copy others, personality-wise, and thought-wise. I tried to fit in by observing my friends’ personality and copied it in my own way. Turns out, it’s not actually a great idea since real life is different from what children saw in cartoons. When I was a child, I tried to be a bully to be liked by my friends. Then, I turned out to be the one that was bullied. It’s a circle of life, honestly. People don’t always stay on the high bearing all the time. In the end, they all fall down.
Humans, all return to the earth someday. What transpires from the soil will return to the soil. But then again, do we all materialize from the earth’s soil? Or is it just one’s belief?
